Dear Readers,
As you might know, I have written a novel. Well, I have written three novels. Over the years, I have written three novels.
All first drafts.
So this time, I promised myself that I would go the revision route and write a second draft.
But how?
Ha ha, I will teach you how to do this, Little Girl, said Doctor Google in his most honeyed voice.
Search… Little Girl…. SEARCH…
Suddenly, my Feed (and it is called a feed. I have just realised why. Because it feeds me only of course it does not. It feeds off me rather. It feeds off my time, my energy, my home. GASP).
My Page, let us call it my Page, is suddenly full of lovely people who, for a very modest amount of money - say around $5000, will kindly edit and publish my novel.
Hurrah!
Only, I do not have $5000 lying around.
So what next?
Will I
a) read my novel again and make it even better so I can publish it here as I have promised myself.
or
b) buy a book that will teach me how to do it PROPERLY. Or listen to a podcast/sign up to a membership program/anything at all.
Because, THEY know how to do IT. Don’t they?
Of course, I chose b).
Why?
Because the answer is always outside of me. Even at my age.
The answer is always outside of me.
Whatever the question is.
And my Feed tells me that…
all
the
time
How it knows what I am worrying about is a mystery to me. Why it is even interested in the life of an elderly woman in the wilds of Ireland, I cannot fathom.
But my Feed knows. It knows that I am worried about the novel, it knows that I have high cholesterol, it knows that I would love to have more energy. It also thinks it knows that I am menopausal (insert evil cackles there) and that I want to buy more shoes (two pairs is plenty, thank you). So it does not know everything but it thinks
It does.
Now, my novel feels mangled beyond repair. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with it (apart from steal the $5000 and give them to the nice lady who said she could publish the book for me, I guess). I have wasted a month.
Trying to Save the Cat and Killing my novel instead.
Fool.
Until we meet again.
Don’t give up!!! I’m chomping at the bit to get my heads on your work 💕 I can’t even begin to imagine the process but I bow to you and your hard work!!!
You've done far better than me. I've always wanted to write a book. My problem is, I haven't a clue what I could write about. And now I've put that out there, I'm probably going to have a Feed full of 'how to write a novel'!!